Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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