trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
