She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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