after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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