I'm lost and stupid without you.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
