You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
