went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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