Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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