U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
