He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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