We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
