So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
