YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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