He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
