It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize