Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(856): View more from New Jersey

I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more

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(619): View more from California

I'm passing your future prison.

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(989): View more from Michigan

I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass

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(863): View more from Florida

In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.

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(+61): View more from Australia

Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"

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(443): View more from Maryland

Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb

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