i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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