I didn't shave. On purpose
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
