no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
