And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
me + whiskey = a bad person
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