he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
