I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I deserve to be covered in dicks
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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