so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
