I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
