I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize