see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
