no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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