Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize