Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
it's like heaven, but drunker
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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