You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
