My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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