theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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