Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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