around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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