Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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