i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
