I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Can I color on your dick again?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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