he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
