Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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