I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
