i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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