I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
