I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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