Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
