Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
