Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
