but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
