capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
