I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
