Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
