HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
