Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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