Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
