I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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