My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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