If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
