I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
