i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
