we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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