Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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