i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
