Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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