Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
