i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
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