Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We are two peas in an std pod
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
